so they say that the best things happen when everything falls apart. It all crumbles and then beautiful things happen.
Decay makes way for rebirth and renewal and the loss of something means making way for something way better.
....so since 2013 started, things started crumbling and falling and tumbling down in my life.
This is by no means a self pity post readers, merely a reflective post, but it will have a sort of negative tone i assure you.
In 2 months i had my heart broken, my car broke down, i lost a few friendships(more like distanced myself for a while from people who think they're lives are so damn amazing they can't shut up about it....), and now i'm in the ever slow process of getting fired. Which is the most painful and annoying thing in the world. No matter what they will tell me, the bottom line is that i am getting fired because of office politics...craazy insecure woman saying i have it out for her and since they all decided to replace me because of this tiny incident, things have been awkward and speaking tones have been less than pleasant. I guess when some people decide they've had enough of you, they will keep you long enough until they find your replacement and will shit on you until you're out the door.
THIS is what bothers me. I couldn't care about getting fired. Someone else will appreciate my efforts more than they do. What i DON'T appreciate, is being talked down to and having people getting interviewed with me right there like i'm a fuckin idiot and i don't know what's going on. Make no mistake. I'm very friendly and will look the other way on many occasions, but when i find out you're plotting behind my back, you're on my hate list and i owe you nothing! I think it's fair. I think it would also be fair to be told when my last day is so that i could at least get a chance to figure out how much time i have until i get left with no money. that would be fair, no??!!
like they want someone replacing me right away so that THEIR work doesn't fall behind, but who gives a shit about the one getting fired and that the first of the month is coming up and i have to pay rent?? NOBODY CARES!!!
so yeah...scuse me if i, since i know what's going on, in turn don't give two fucks about doing my work load or putting full effort into making your stupid sale ads.
UGGGHHH!!!! some people are snakes! swear to god! even if you THINK that you're appreciated and respected....think again!! snakes!!
my friend said nothing should even surprise me at this point. Because they don't care.
suspiciously enough, it feels like they're pressuring me to round up my projects and as i usually have a shit load of work, i seem to have nothing lined up for tomorrow. So i'm hoping that tomorrow i get let go because i'm tired of this weird awkwardness.
I want monday to start putting full effort into my own handmade things business and get into the groove of things. Do it for a month or two, everyday, pretend like it's a real job, and see where that takes me. And hopefully, it all crumbled so fast because i've been dreaming of being freelance for such a long time and never took the step. Maybe this was meant to happen.
sorry...had to just let that out........
i just need a new beginning.
I need to work on my own terms. Be creative my OWN damn way. Picking random colours for headbands on a computer is NOT creative and i no longer care to prove myself as an artist to any of those people. I know what i am.
peace out mdfkrs!!!!
ps. i promise future posts will be more positive and more enlightening and funny and all that :D