the beginning

i grabbed a bag of those random cheap bracelets girls from India wear from the thrift store. All sparkly and bright and stuff. I thought i would use them as a base for stackable bangles. Man! was i wrong. Some of those i guess were made for children..??...cos my hand would not go through them!

and then i realized they were made from some sort of odd metal. I melted it and it melts weird. Then a few weeks later...today...i decided to use that colourfully painted metal in some of my jewelry so i cut it up and hammered it. Only problem being is that...........they look very closely to someone else's work. Someone's work i admire and LOVE.

Stupid brain! are you serious???!!

i wonder though if the original piece she used was a bangle too....hmm!!

uhh yeah . I feel so dirty. All that rambling about copying other people's work and this is what i do! Disgusting.
no there won't be any pictures until i'm done. Or until i'm done making them not look like that other lovely lady's work. I won't say who it is. It's a secret :P

stupid stupid brain.

coincidentally, today i was thinking i spend too much time admiring other people's work and comparing myself to them and feeling "inadequate" in my results, mainly because i'm not them and they're not me and neither should be compared. And here i am tonight looking at work that looks very similar to someone else and it's like OH YAY!! i've accidentally morphed into someone else's brain and does it make me feel happy?? NO IT DOES NOT!! well it does cos it's pretty stuff but i don't feel like it's MY stuff.

ugh.

so friday i was officially fired. Thanks for the support in the comments in my previous post. I accepted my 2 weeks post getting fired but the more i think about it, why would i go in tomorrow? who am i doing a favour?
Truth is i'm not ready to tackle the demons in my head that enable me to make my whatever creative it is i'm doing, photograph it, and then not think twice about it and be proud of what i make. Not ready. well i am proud, i'm just not confident. I don't know how to fix that....